AT LAST
Thursday, September 30, 2004
FINALLY I CAN TYPE USING MY OWN COMP , ITS A MIRACLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALrite sorry for all the caps but for the past two months for some nitwit reason, i couldnt type in the space meant for posting. I suspected it was some spyware or adware....., my comp i tell u is a heaven for all those junk like adware.......why cos i dload lots of stuff...yupx sianz, so today after asking around, i finally went to cnet to dload a spware doctor, and u know what, after scanning my comp, it was hidden with over 189 items.
SHOCKING RITE? anyways thank you ZHEzhang, without ur advice i couldnt have gotten rid of this stinking problem. Yupx.
Hm back to my life, its now the last day of September as i am typing this, tomolo will be CHildren's day and it signals the start of OCTOBER....YUpx...AKA MUGGING SEASON, exams, u name it and its all here. BLehz
Speaking of exams,my promos are next week, and i am far from finishing with my revision, sianz the only thing i am revising now a days is ECONomics And MAthsc..
History? what about it? It is history for me as i havent even touched it yet, the last time i picked up my hist stuff was like two weeks ago while mugging for a test during the September holidays.
Sianz..... u noe in my heart one side tells me to study hard and promote, the other half just tells me to slack off..... hai its a constant struggle just to try studying these days. Sianified haha thats how you could describe me in one word >>>>> SIANIFIED XD
Oh yeah speaking of which, i have been playing a lot of FInal FAntasy Tactics advance, yupz its a nice and strategic and mind boggling game. haha helps to calm me nerves?
One thing is true though, i feel a bit better for the past few days.......will try not think of all the shit that is going on these days HAHa ignorance can be bliss. WIsh me luck, really need to buck up haha
WHOOSH !! Flies off
11:37:00 PM
..........F&*ked up........
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Things are getting worse..........i could be compared to like the former soviet union, on the outside everthing looks fine................what you see is just a facade .............deep down inside its crumbling threatening to implode, everything is going wrong, studies in particular.........procastination is now my official activity at home..........productvity is abysmal, its a miracle if i can study even for two hours a day. comp is still not working properly, i am typing from school now..... school which i find tortorous just to step in to.. but i have no choice........i pretend that everything is fine when it is not.... its so painful..........really to just drift through life.....with no purpose............ study? whatfor....pple tell u that studying is supposed to be the best times of your life....I say YEAH RIGHT TO HELL WITH THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Call me childish or whatever u want.....but i really beggining to believe that i would have been better off i had gone to poly instead. YOu may sae that no matter where you go, stress will always be there........yeah thats true....its inevitable..........if only doctors could invent a cure for something called stress........yes that deserves a noble prize for peace...........IT would give millions of people a peice of mind that they including me desire.
Today my teacher asked me if everything is fine, i told her that things are fine........but deep down i dun feel like that........... SOCially, if i had to take a test regarding my social side, i would probably get an F for failure grade........ Screw IT TYPING about my social life just ABSOLUTELY PISSES ME off.
you noe i had the urge to just let all my emotions out in school that would mean a volcanic eruption that would prolly unnerve my classmates.......so i have no choice but to tolerate it...........damn it tolerating all the shit that happens to you is tough.
The only good things that happened to me.....i am thankful for the few pple who do treat me as friends...thanks a bunch....... words cannot express my gratitude.
Bah i have ranted long enough..........to all those who may be offended by what i type.......just try to understand.....i have already kept vulgarities to a minimum........PEACE PEEPS , OFF TO SLACKING LAND
2:22:00 PM
TIme to reformat this comp again.....too many viruses sianx
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
9:19:00 PM
confusions
Sunday, September 12, 2004
time is something that no one can control it passes by whether u like it or not.. each time u wake up in the morning another 24 hours had gone by yesterday..yeah and it seems time is flying when u dun want it to. WHo doesnt want to enjoy the holidays......who likes going to school to mug nobody i think........stress is getting to me once again....still really cant concentrate on the things that are the most important now.
The human brain in me is a muddled mess of memories both good and bad.. its scary when u think about . IT seems to me that the human brain tends to remeber only the bad stuff that feels u up with hatred.
Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hatred, hatred leads to kiling, killing leads to death, death leads to endless sorrow. THe vicious cycle of fears and hatred are all interlinked.
Haha at the rate i am going, either i'm gonna snap in half one day or go crazy.......but i believe that if u think of happy things, things will be better......
yes i will try to fool myself thinking that life is good. why not life in Singapore is good in the material sense that is. food and clothing are easily available, your basic needs are met by your hard working parents, theres no war, no famine no nothing......but the invisible enemy exists.............yes that is stress...be it whether u work or study this world is stressful
Its inevitable......so watcha gonna do? will u buckle under the pressure and rant and whine or do sumthing about it......frankly there is no rite ans.....everyone has different ways of dealing with this things.....
oh yeah on sat yest nite was the first time watching a concert at the esplanade with some pple i have not met since january....yupx indeed the show was entertaining , even the president was there..haha he sure looks friendly. Well hopefully he is like that all the time, you cant have a grouchy president now can we?
Thanks a lot to joel and briget for making the holidays more than just mugging, yupx got to play some pool and watch concert. ALl rite tomolo i shall face hell lol still got a lot of stuff to do..... i'll rant somemore another time
WOosh! up up and away ( flies off to slack somewhere)
1:30:00 PM
hai my comp still not working properly...........must use another comp to blog again >-<
Friday, September 10, 2004
7:31:00 PM
cliques or lack of
Sunday, September 05, 2004
NOTE : what is written here is my thoughts and my way of releasing stress, it is not directed at anyone and is not intended to offend anione, just let me whine about my life online since i try not to do so in real life!!!!!!!!
alrite here i am on this sunday morning its 1230 am going to get some things off my chest that has been bugging me. As u noe, once u enter sec skool people tend to click together to form their own groups, usually people of the same sex, interest....something common that binds them together. For me i sort of never had one, only a few good friends..blame it on my character perhaps i was too quiet and made little effort to socialise with my other classmates, I dunno why but at that time i couldnt be bothered about such stuff.. studies was my priority and i managed to excel in my lower sec school days.. i could be considered a geek back then..
things in upper sec were slightly diff..first time playing lan, go bowling..yeah i noe...i dun go out very often still..still more concerned with playing video games.. and the comp than hanging out.. this continued all the way to sec 4.. yeah throughout these 2 years i think i only watched less than 12 movies...and hardly hung out...
u noe if i could turn back the clock, i would make the effort to fit into a clique in sec school and start hanging out.... perhaps my life would be more diffirent.... One thing though it didnt bother me that i didnt have one in my sec school as classmates were in a way friendly and u could speak ur mind...maybe there was politics but very unnoticable...
Now since i started jc... i have undergone some changes..dunno whether good or bad.... i prefer to hang out these days rather than stay at home, the first 3 months was a utopia of fun.....literally fun , you can ask anione who was in the first 3months and they most likely tell u it was the best time of jc life...
why am i whining so much? well cos i have the right to do so...everytime i c pple whining especally after finishing a test and they will go Oh no i'm gonna soooooo faillllllll, sure fail lah, kena sai ..etc etc.....seriously i'm not against pple whining.......but somehow i just find it super annoying......i just keep the feeling to myself.........this in turn leads to an emotional turmoil for me as i struggle to contain all my thoughts
i have a theory that pple whine simply cos they want to be heard..well yeah they sure got that aim alrite....u noe what i wonder what happened if i was a girl
would i whine even more..bitch around like what girls do whenever they are angry, go shopping with gal pals, somehow i feel that girls are emotionally stronger......yes perhaps this is true..................ah whatever i dunno why am i typing this
the point is..up to now i dun really fit in my class...its kind of ironic....the pple i hang out with are not the pple i spend the most time with. old buddies are the best to be with cos u can tok about anithing and everything under the sun, cca mates are fun to be with cos u enjoy common experiences.....classmates. u're supposed to spend the rest of your time with them as you travel through the tortorous journey of jc..however...........it seems i am rather detached from the class
pple perceive me as a loner perhaps.....one who doesnt talk much...... well there is a reason for all of this.....the truth is i want to hang out more often with my classmates and not go home and mug 24/7...... if only some pple would understand what i am going through...u are not me so i dun blame u if u dun understand what i am going through.
I think i should neva have started reading blogs that way i will be oblivious to all the stuff that is going on...everywhere u go there are things that go unnoticed what pple say may have another meaning( it was only this year then i knew about the existence of blogs)
Another thing is that i have become very lazy and slack.....i find it so hard to sit down and just study there are just so many thoughts in my muddled head...I THINK TOO MUCH LAR, i only think about having fun these days with hardly any regards for my studies.......
the truth is i dun really care what happens to my studies....somewhere in my heart there is a part of me that is telling me to just give up and forget about studying in jc..go over to poly.......BUT how will i noe whether things will be better there.....so i have NO %^78ing choice but to continue in this path called JACKASS COLLEGE
all i think about is why i cant fit into a clique................it bothers me so much......even though i try and flush these thoughts out of my head...everytime i'm in town and see groups of pple in their cliques..somewhere in my heart there is resentment and jealousy...... sure there are times when u have to be alone...i acknowledge that. maybe its just me........me and my muddled thoughts pondering on why my life is so like taht
I hate to admit it but i dunno why i suddenly become obssessed with looking for that special someone and start a realationship ......I dun have a clue in this department, and with my average looks and not so outgoing character......me wonders whether i will ever find one......
but thats not so important
there are afew pple who appreciate me for what i am. TO them i say a big thank you... youre support has helped me through many difficult times.....times when i feel shit, some of you say be yourself
this "phrase be yourself" hit me.....its really hard to be who you really hard sometimes...sometimes u change yourself just to fit into a group of pple..........does that mean i must change my character and my beliefs just so i can fit in????????? in any class there are bound to be cliques and those that struggle to fit in...well i can say that i am in the latter.... dun really belong to anione.dunno how much longer i can bare with this
u noe what i think everyone is afraid of being lonely...the feeling sucks ...all rite.....i noe for sure..... when i grow up will i be able to stay in touch with my friends.....u see so many adults seeking treatment for depression,why cos as u grow older THE WORLD BECOMES POLITICISED ESPECIALLY AT WORK. WHy do u think the elderly feel so lonely.. cos u dun c them hanging out like we teenagers love to do
In short..........i am who iam. i cant and will not change my character........I'll try to remain nice to evveryone regardless of what they did to me before........ I'll try to let go of all the unhappy stuff
and i think i should pray more often and go back to church
thats all that i can whine about for now....yeah whine alrite its soooooooFUNN ( pun intended)
1:29:00 AM
Stupid comp
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
man i am reallt ticked off by my comp with all the endless troubles it gives me. I am using another comp to type this out.. bah the trouble with technology.
Aniwaes its now teachers day that means its september and its only a month to the promotional exams. It also marks 9 months since i left sec school and stepped into cj. sometimes hanging out with old buddies sure is a load of fun. SOmeone once said that the sec school days are the best days of your life. I find this quite true, u could talk freely about anithing u wanted, do some things that u cant do now in a co-ed school ( hehe dirty talk ..etc etc), conflicts were usually solved quickly due to high testosterone levels...but in the end everything was like buddy buddy..ah
Had teachers day celebrations yest at cj, the performances were quite amazing esp the dance club but even more was the ICS with some rather dangerous stunts.. u brought the crowd down.. the pple singing were quite nice too..guys with nice voices= screaming gals and ladies... oh yeah the micheal tan lookalike enuff said everyone found it hilarious
went back to sji and met many of my former class mates...my some of them are experiencing growth spurts..nearly 1.9 m in height and some of them are much more muscular than ever. Haha went to cineleisure for lunch, heard a lot of crap being talked about haha, after that it was off to play some pool. hm it sure brings back memories of the good old days.
Alrite enough of nostalgia, tml i got a mock chinese and on friday its a mock gp exam. During the hols, its time for full scale mugging.
6:41:00 PM
